You may be able to relate, but....when things are going really shitty, I crave a change.
A major change. A change that I can control. Is it a control thing? Maybe I feel like everything is out of my hands, every thing's out of control, so I have to find something I can control.
When I'm feeling like this...my big change is usually my hair.
Why?
Because it's not permanent. You can cut your hair....it'll grow back. You can color your hair...then color it back.
So, since I've had no control over my life the past few months....I decided to change my hair.
Drastically.
I know I've probably been venting a little too much about my ADHD child drama, but....man, it's like he's gone to a complete different level.
I'm on the edge.
I'm on the verge.
I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I can be at work and just THINK about something he has done the day before, and I start shaking.
I've cried everyday for the past week.
I feel so helpless. So.....out of control.
Unfortunately, I believe his dad and I have decided it would best for him to move in with him when this school year is over.
I know it will be best for all of us.
I can get a break. Gage can get a break. And Zac can have the father/male influence in his life that he so desperately needs right now.
I cry thinking about it. But I have to remind myself that Russ is his parent too. I'm not the only parent he has.
I feel like a failure. Everyone says I shouldn't....but you know....that's easier said than done.
I'm praying that this change will be wonderful for us all.
So, my total meltdown, spur of the moment thing......
I chopped off all my hair and colored it.
Double whammy.
I freaked immediately after it was done.
I just kept shaking my head no.
But I think I will start to love it.
I've always wanted a short pixie cut/Mia Farrow/Michelle Williams cut.
And if I don't learn to love it.....well, it's just hair.
And it will grow back! :)
P.S.
I need a tan. :)
2 comments:
I'm so sorry your going through a very rough time, that your so stressed and that you think your a failure! But let me tell you girl you are NOT a failure!! You are one awesome,strong, amazing, incredible, beautiful and rocking girl!! You have done a magnificent job with your boys! I am sure that this change will help Zac, because yes kids sometimes will act out because of something that they are missing and even though he has you, you wonderful mommy you, he needs his dad for a male figure like you said!
I have my hubby but he works so much and sometimes it feels like I am a single parent (gulp) and it can be very frustrating when Miguelito acts out and I wish Hubby had the time to be with him. So you are not alone and even though I can not compare my situation to yours, just know that you are not alone! And remember that as a parent we will always do our best to guide our children through the correct road, but love there is so much we can do! There comes a time when we can't blame ourselves for what our kids do! Zac is still little and he won't understand sometimes but when he gets older he will appreciate everything that you've done!
I'm sorry for the rambling, but please know that I am here for you! I'm always a call, text or message away! Love you!! xoxo
Thank you so much, Karina!!
It's been a long hard road. ADHD is driving me to my brink. Plus when Zac sees how broken I am, it tries to push more to see what he can get away with. I'm just so worn out!!!
You're sweet....and you may regret telling me you're a phone call away!! hahaha. Love you!
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