I told myself that I would quit smoking when I returned home from our trip to Chicago. Here it is, two weeks later....and I'm still smoking. :(
I came home from BWW last night, smelling like smoke. My throat hurting from smoking and talking over all the loud people there. I came in, sat at my computer to play Spider Solitaire [I play it every night before I got to bed, it makes me sleepy:)], and lit my last cigarette out of my pack. And I thought, is there anything good that comes out of smoking? I smell like smoke, I waste a ton of money, I will get wrinkles faster, look older, possibly get lung cancer, mouth cancer, along with many other medical problems that come from smoking. Plus pass on the second hand smoke to my children!
So, I smoked that last cigarette out of my pack. And as of right now, the next day at 5:26 p.m., it was still my last cigarette.
Quitting is so hard. I've done it many times! Once for about 5 years. The last time for about 3 months. But meeting up with friends for a beer, makes me want to have one. In order to take breaks at work, you pretty much have to smoke. I enjoy my smoke breaks with my co worker. And if I were to take breaks with her after quitting, would I be able to resist smoking a cigarette?? Driving to work, I always smoke. Driving home from work, I always smoke. Sitting at my computer, playing Solitaire before bed, I always smoke.
I know it's only been about 16 hours since my last cigarette, but seriously, everywhere I look I see it. Everytime I turn on the tv, someone has a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. Driving my nephew home today, every person I passed had a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.
It's not an attractive thing to see. I've always thought that. When I see people driving with their window cracked, smoke coming out. But seeing it, still makes me want to do it.
I'll probably smoke a cigarette tonight, when I meet up with my friends. I'm going back and forth in my head,"You don't have to!" "But you want to." "You need to quit!" "You don't have to today, though." Oh little angel on my shoulder.....oh, little devil on the other.....we shall see.
We shall see. Am I ready to quit? Hmmmm, we.shall.see.
2 comments:
We can do it together!!! I felt SO good after being cig free for an ENTIRE week and then what did I do? Smoked all weekend :( UGH! I try and tell myself that it was okay because it was the World Cup kick off and that made it a special occassion etc. etc. but I feel so upset with myself because now I think it's going to be harder to stop again :( but with you supporting me and vice versa we can do it!! Maybe it's a sign that you didn't go last night - so you didn't have to smoke! It was crazy stupid packed last night - I wish I could have seen you - but after reading this blog I'm glad you didn't come out so you could resist the temptation. Wish I could say the same :( but tomorrow is a new day and a start to a fresh week - we GOT this :)
My test will be tomorrow at work! As of today, still no cigarette since Friday night. But it will be hard tomorrow. Ohhhh so hard!!!
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