scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind....

I was just looking at old pics on my computer and thought I post some....or five hundred and fifty two. :) Sorry, it's a lot, but I just love looking at old pics.

Me, Jack, and Annabel, at Annabel's 1st birthday party!! She is truly a miracle!!

My 30th birthday, at Bingo...where I won $500!! Then to Toby's! That was a fun, fun night!!

30th birthday, and I took my first shot ever. Seriously....and can you tell...I didn't like it much! ;)

Chris giving me a birthday kiss. He told me I was dirty thirty.

I don't know who these guys were, but they were funny. And they bought me my first shot ever.


Gage at my Uncle Billy and Aunt Brenda's.

Abby, Ashley, and me. 4th of July last year.

Marianne and Mickey.

Me and Jauque at Bar L. Looong ago. :)

Gage and Zac, so sweet.

Marianne and me at Bingo.

Me and the beautiful bride. :)

The best man and the bridesmaid. Me and Russell.

Beer drinker.

Leah and Lucia at Carrie and Jorge's rehearsal dinner.

Me and my cousin Ashley.

My sister, nices, nephews, kiddos.

Me and my cousin, Bryan, at Iron Horse, watching Dan Dyer.

Me and bff.

At the fair.

Family photo. :)

Me and Zackary.

Me with Gage and his buddies.

Awww. My cute boys.

Girls night with Jaidon, Marianne, and Victoria.

After chilling at my house, we went to Fast Eddy's.

Sweet Angela.

Marianne and the trout pout. Sexy gurl.

Halloween.

Another Halloween. This Michael Myers scared me. haha.

Doing the Thriller dance. :)

Blondes DO have more fun. ;)

Zac and Lucia, after Lu's dance at the football game! Too cute.

Jauque's baby shower.

Blackmail? Gage, James, and Zackary.

Me and Lacey in Cancun.

Yaaaaaa-laaayyy!!

Iron Horse, and one too many drinks. Well, she IS my life partner. haha.

Gage and his buddies. Possum Kingdom.

Me and my seesters in Cancun!! Goood times. :)

At Lacey's baby shower.

With Jauque at the bowling alley!

Crazy Katy! At Bar L!

Mr. and Mrs. Wilson <3>

Lu and Zac. :)

Marianne and Mickey's 24th birthday. At some karaoke bar....can't remember the name of it. But it was fun!

Me and Bryan, when we were just little ones. PK.

Wow, this was FOREVER ago!!

My mom and dad...way back in the day.

Aww, Little Jack.

New Years Eve.

Old Town, with the local celebrity. :)

Me and my bff's hubby. :) He loves me, even if he won't admit it!! haha.

With Arthur and Katy at P2.....good stuff.

Russell the Love Muscle. Surprise birthday party! Man, I miss this boy!

Oh good times. I love looking at old pictures!!

you had a bad day......

Today wasn't such a great day. I had a bit of a panic attack at work. I guess it was just everything that's been going on hitting me all at once. Car trouble, Gage's dad coming back into his life, work has been stressful.
I guess I felt it coming on when Billy got out of jail and started with his excuses. Then he called yesterday wanting to get Gage for the day. I was so confused about what I should do. I don't want to keep him from his dad. He would never forgive me for that. I want to give Billy ANOTHER chance. But I'm so scared he's going to hurt Gage all over again. It was hard, but I let him hang out with him from about 3 to 8 yesterday. Gage came back in a good mood. He's missed his dad a lot the past 8 or so months. I just pray that Billy really tries this time. I've been praying for him. When I'm praying, I say, "Lord, this is so hard for me to pray for this man who has done so much to his son, but I have to...." Just so he knows that I know it's not in my heart to pray for him, but I want it to be, so I'm trying. haha.
So, today we were 2 people short in the office. I was swamped and work was piling up against me. The phone was ringing off the hook and I just lost it for a second there. My heart started racing, I felt like my insides were shaking like crazy, I got all hot. Then Brenda asked if I was ok and that is when...when I always...lose it. I started crying and was just like....I don't know. I'm so confused and I have so much on my plate right now. I don't know how much more I can take.
So, Ashley gave me a Xanax. Normally I wouldn't take something...unless prescribed to me, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So, I took it, went outside for some fresh air (uhhh, a cigarette..haha) and just tried to calm myself down. Ashley is a godsend because her Xanax really helped me. I've still been on the verge of tears all day, but panic feeling is gone. For now.
I guess I'll just keep praying. That always seems to help the most. :)
I decided today that I'm going to cut off all my hair. When I start feeling like I need a change, I always cut my hair or dye it a different color. haha. That's as crazy as I can get. :)
So, I made an appointment for next week. I'll probably totally regret it after I do it, but it's just hair....it will grow back. :)
My sister and niece are leaving tomorrow to go on a mission trip with their church to Mexico. I really wanted me and Zac to go, but I don't have the PTO to take off from work. :( And after our trip to Chicago, I can't afford to take off with no PTO. But Leah and Lucia will have a wonderful time and I'm super excited for them. Lucia truly has a heart for God. She is in love with God and her church. It's going to be a wonderful experience for her and I can't wait to hear all about it! Man, I'm going to miss them. :( But it's just a week, so....it'll be aight.
Pray for them to have a safe, fun trip!! :)