Check this out, yo!!

I entered a giveaway this morning! Normally I don't blog about giveaways, if I enter them.
I like to blog about everyday things. I don't want an advertising feel to my blog.

But I read Mickey's post this morning about this giveaway. How could I not WANT to blog about it?




So, I say; head over to this blog, enter the giveaway. If you don't win, do what I plan to do and buy something anyway!! :)

No rainbows...without a little rain. :)

I feel so lonely and out of the loop since moving!! I mean, I'm only 15 minutes out of town...but that's with no phone service...no internet service....nothing.
I can't catch up on Facebook or Blogger or even check my email.
This weekend SUCKED!!! We didn't get to do the Walk a Thon for the homeless, because it was one huge, long thunderstorm all weekend!
I didn't get to go to Benjamin's birthday party...because it was supposed to be at the park, but they changed it to Lauren's house. But I didn't get that text message until later that night....because I have no service!!!! Seriously? Ridiculous.
Seriously.
I was off work yesterday. We only had 5 patients. It was nice to be able to take my boys to school. I stayed up too late reading the Sookie Stackhouse books (True Blood, baby). So I got them up and ready and took them to school. Stopped by Starbucks to get a Skinny Vanilla Latte...yum....drove home and starting reading again. Fell asleep and didn't wake up until TWELVE O'CLOCK in the afternoon!!!
I haven't slept that long in for.ev.vor!!!!
Having the day off and catching up on my sleep, I was feeling it was a good day! Gonna be a good week even!!
wrong.
I picked up Gage from baseball practice...early. He got hit square in the forehead with a baseball. He was going to say something to the guy that threw it, but couldn't think of the guy's name! It came back to him. He had a pretty bad headache all day.
So, I got to set my alarm and wake up every 2 hours, to wake him up last night, to make sure he didn't have a concussion or something.
To add to it, Gage's dad's family was calling me about Billy.
They said he's doing really bad. I asked Gage if he'd heard from him anymore and he said he hadn't in a few days.
Apparently he's now smoking crack. He's stealing from his family, breaking into warehouses....living in hotel rooms with crack heads. What am I supposed to do about all of this? I'm done. I've had him put in jail, for child support. That's all I can do.
Right now I'm to the point where I want him out of my life and out of Gage's life for good. I don't know how much more Gage can take. I know I can't take much more.
Will everything just stop....just for a moment. I can't seem to catch a break, people!
Anywayssssss, the school nurse called from Gage's school today. He still has a headache. So, I had to leave work to pick him up.
I was going to go back to work, but I called my aunt Lisa (who's an RN) and she said it sounded like I needed to take him to the doctor.
Plus I was supposed to have a parent/teacher conference at Zac's school and pick up his report card. I had to call and cancel that...hopefully be able to reschedule that for a later date. So, I can take Gage to the doctor. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I need a vacation. :)

Sooo, that's what has been going on in my world! I gotta go take Gage to the doctor now. I guess I can catch up on my blog reading while waiting at the doctor office!

Coyotes and Scorpions and Snakes! Oh My!

Oh, the joys of country life!!

I am so behind on my blog reading and updating!

I got moved in this weekend. Now I'm just unpacking and setting everything up. I haven't set up my computer yet because I know I will get nothing done if I do. :) It's an addiction, really. So, I'm at Leah's right now, waiting for Gage to get done with baseball practice....catching up on my blogging with Lucia's laptop. How sad that my 9 year old niece has a laptop and I don't. haha.

Last night was our first night in the new house. I was very proud of Zac, he slept in his own room all night long! I didn't sleep very well. :( My back is soooo sore from moving! I think I was just too tired and achy and restless.

My landlord is very nice, but kinda weird. He talks A LOT! He talked about the poisonous critters for a good hour. No exaggeration, either.

This morning (at 5:20 a.m.) it was kind of chilly out, so I went to start the car for the boys before I loaded them in. Oh.My.Gosh. Have you ever heard a pack of coyotes howling and hollering together??? It's only about the scariest sound EVER!! Sounded like a bunch of werewolves...I watch too many scary movies. But yeah....it was really creepy. And dark. And loud. And creepy.
Anyone have a gun I could buy.
For real though! I'm considering buying one.
Rattlesnakes? Coyotes? Crazy pyscho killers?
Hey, you never know. It's pretty out there in the middle of no where.
But I do love it. It's peaceful. Very little traffic going up and down the road.
Beauty was out with Gage yesterday, running around, having a good time with all the land. :)

Yeah, I think we'll like it out there. Once I get used to the howling. *shiver*

Day 23: A Youtube Video......a must watch!!!

Day 23 of the 30 Day Challenge

Day 23: A Youtube Video

This is my all time favorite Youtube video. I can not count how many times I've watched it. And everytime I watch it, I get goosebumps...then I cry. It's wonderful.

Please watch it. :) You'll be glad you did!

Feelin' good.

I just took a bubble bath.
(Which I never do.)

Also had a glass of wine, while taking that bubble bath.
(Which I never do.)

AND, I shaved my legs.
(Which I never do!)

haha. Seriously. Can't remember the last time I shaved my legs.

Dang, I'm gonna sleep good tonight! :)

My baby's a big boy now.

I survived high school orientation. I couldn't catch my breath on my way to pick up Gage and head that way. When we got there I started shaking. Is this insane, or what? I mean, seriously...I'm the mom and I was way more nervous than Gage was. But once we started walking around the school, I felt a little better. I was showing him where all his classes were. It's so weird taking my son to orientation at the same high school I went to! It brought back a lot of memories. :)
We're both super excited about his schedule. He got baseball and guitar!! So exciting. When we signed up for the classes, they said that it is very rare for a Freshman to get guitar. Everyone wants to take it, so usually just the juniors and seniors get the class. But Gage did!
Now I'm going to have to buy him a guitar. I told him the only way I would, is if he would come home and teach me everything he learned in class. haha.
So, I thought I was going to have to take a Xanax, but I'm all good.
Monday.....that may be a different story. :/

Dreams and annoyances and such.

Before I really get started writing this blog, I just wanted to add in a little note. (*ok, it apparently turned into a super long note....sorry.)
For those that know me, like really know me...you know I'm totally telling the truth when I say that I absolutely, under no circumstances, ever want to, or would EVER get back together with my ex-husband. We've have been separated/divorced since Zac was a year old. He is now 7. I wanted out of my marriage. Not to say that he was a bad person. He wasn't. He had a good job, was quite the "family man", tall, decent looking, good to my son, and now good to his son. But I think it's something with me. I'm not big on commitment. Not like I'm one to go and sleep around. I mean, I'm 32 years old and I've only been with THREE people my whole life. First, being Gage's dad. Second, being Zac's dad. And third being my last boyfriend. And all of the relationships lasted at least 4 years or longer. (Even if the last one was on and off and on and off and on and off......) And I never cheated once. Totally and completely loyal, even if they weren't. It's not in me. So, it's not that at all. I think I'm just independent. I don't want anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Where I can and cannot go. Plus I get pretty reclusive sometimes, where I don't talk to my friends or even my family for like a week straight. Of course, not my kids. I just get where I want it to be just us, at home, chilling. Alone.
I love to be alone. I love being my own person.

With allllllllll of that being said.....I have a little embarrassing thing to admit.
I've been having a lot of dreams about my ex-husband.
I always remember my dreams and I'm always trying to interpret them. Sometimes I'll even look them up online, and I'll be like....hmmm, that actually makes sense.
So, I've been wondering why, why, why am I having dreams about him??? And I've come to a few conclusions, possibly.

1.) He is getting remarried.
I'm very happy for him. She's a nice girl and Zac loves her. She also has a son Zac's age, so he always has fun when he goes to visit. And like I said before, he was always a family man, liked being the "man of the house".

2.) Both of my boys have been on me to "get a boyfriend", "get married", "go on a date".
With Zac, I know it's because he wants a man in the house. Maybe he sees his dad and 'step mom' together and thinks I need someone.
With Gage, I think it's either that he wants a male role model in his life, since he's 14, the age where you really need a man in your life. Since his dad is a freaking meth using loser, who dropped out of his life when he was like 11 years old. Sorry....little bitter there....
Oooooor, I've been thinking lately that he wants me to get a boyfriend, so I will quit being all up in his business. haha. But sorry, that's NOT gonna happen!! I will always want to know, WHERE are you going, WHEN are you going to be home, WHO are you going with, WHY are y'all doing that, and so on. :)
That's just being a mom.

3.) That's really the only two conclusions that I've come to. He's getting married, and my boys are trying to pressure me into being with someone. And while I love my boys more than anything in this world, I have to say, I'm not going to do this for them. I'm not going to go out looking for a man. I'm very happy and comfortable by myself. I love it being just me and my boys.

So, I think I've figured it out, brain. You can stop with the ex-husband dreams. It's really start to annoy the hell out of me. :)
Why can't I just dream about Eric Northman, for crying out loud??? :)

And then I realized.....

At what point in your life did you realize your parents weren't perfect?
Me and my sister talked about this...a long time ago. When she was in college, a professor asked her class that question.
You know, when you're a child, you think your mom is the most beautiful woman in the world. You think she can do no wrong. You think your dad is the most amazing man in the world. You want to marry your dad when you're little. Then you want to marry a man JUST LIKE your daddy!
But at some point, you realize it. My mom isn't perfect. My dad isn't perfect.
Leah asked me when I realized it. It took me a long time to figure it out.
I'm pretty good at blocking out things in my past that weren't the "best of times".

With my dad, the moment I realized he wasn't everything I thought he was, was when my Mee Maw (his mom) died. He was an alcoholic and drug addict (he's been clean for about 17 years now).
Anyways, I loved my Mee Maw sooo much.
She had breast cancer and she was a nurse. When she got so sick, she moved a hospital bed into her house. She didn't want to die in a hospital. She wanted to be home. So, my dad and his 4 siblings would take turns staying at her house, taking care of her. On weekends that it was my dad's turn to take care of her....and also his weekend to keep me and my sister, he would leave us with our sick grandmother while he went out partying.
You'd think that would be the moment I realized he wasn't perfect, but I was still pretty young. Maybe nine or so? But I didn't realize it then, all I knew was I was getting to spend time with my Mee Maw. :)
When she died, I was heartbroken. I came home from school and my mom told me she had passed away. I stayed in my room all night and just cried.
I went to the funeral with my dad and sister. I remember sitting next to my dad and I was crying so hard, I couldn't catch my breath. You'd think my dad would try to comfort his daughter, or something. Instead, he swatted my leg and told me to shut it up.
I tried so hard to stop crying, but it was so hard. I just sat there, tears running down my face.
That was the moment I realized my dad wasn't perfect. That moment is burned in my brain and still breaks my heart to this day.
As for my mom, I don't know. I know she's not perfect. But not one moment stands out really. She worked a lot. She wasn't really around much. Leah practically raised me and my little sister. I'm thankful I had Leah. I still lean on her more than I probably should. She's my mother figure that I go to now. I talk to my mom and she is wonderful. We get along great and I can tell her anything. But the first person I call when I have something going on, good or bad...that would be Leah.
It always will be.
So, I'm sure there was something my mom did, that made me realize she wasn't perfect. But it wasn't something so bad that I can pin point it. I think that's a good thing, right?

What was the point of this blog? I don't know. I just wonder if other people have certain moments when they realize that. Or maybe you're lucky enough to still think your parents are perfect?

New day, new hair.

Oh, it's been a long day!! I'm super excited, because I rented 'The Runaways' today.

I'm a little scared to watch it. I watched 'Chloe' the other day....that may have been enough girl on girl action to last me a while...but I've been wanting to see this!

I was so upset when it didn't come to the theaters here! It's so retarded when certain movies don't come here!

Guess who got Employee of the Month today?? Whaaaa, Whaaa? Yep, yours truly!!

Yeah, I pretty much rock!!

When you get Employee of the Month, you get to get your little picture taken and have it posted on a board for everyone to see!!

They asked if I wanted to take it today or tomorrow. I was like...uh, let's take it today. Because I'm getting my haircut at 3, and if I hate it....I'll be mad!!! haha.

Ashley went outside to take my picture. We have these new ugly red signs up on our building that say "NO SMOKING BEYOND THIS POINT". So, I told her to take my picture with the sign. I was pointing at it with a disappointed look on my face. haha. We showed my boss and she just died laughing. She said I should have been flipping the camera off. haha.

That wasn't my real picture, we took another one. But it was funny anyways.

So, at work I took a picture of my long hair in the bathroom. haha. It's actually the longest I've ever let it get! I grow it out, I cut it, I grow it out, I cut it.

So, I thought it was time to get it cut again!

Me with short hair. A little disappointed....it will take some getting used to! It's not fixed.....I guess I'll have to work on that. haha.

My boys aren't happy about me getting my haircut!! What is it with boys thinking girls have to have long hair?? haha.

you had a bad day......

Today wasn't such a great day. I had a bit of a panic attack at work. I guess it was just everything that's been going on hitting me all at once. Car trouble, Gage's dad coming back into his life, work has been stressful.
I guess I felt it coming on when Billy got out of jail and started with his excuses. Then he called yesterday wanting to get Gage for the day. I was so confused about what I should do. I don't want to keep him from his dad. He would never forgive me for that. I want to give Billy ANOTHER chance. But I'm so scared he's going to hurt Gage all over again. It was hard, but I let him hang out with him from about 3 to 8 yesterday. Gage came back in a good mood. He's missed his dad a lot the past 8 or so months. I just pray that Billy really tries this time. I've been praying for him. When I'm praying, I say, "Lord, this is so hard for me to pray for this man who has done so much to his son, but I have to...." Just so he knows that I know it's not in my heart to pray for him, but I want it to be, so I'm trying. haha.
So, today we were 2 people short in the office. I was swamped and work was piling up against me. The phone was ringing off the hook and I just lost it for a second there. My heart started racing, I felt like my insides were shaking like crazy, I got all hot. Then Brenda asked if I was ok and that is when...when I always...lose it. I started crying and was just like....I don't know. I'm so confused and I have so much on my plate right now. I don't know how much more I can take.
So, Ashley gave me a Xanax. Normally I wouldn't take something...unless prescribed to me, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So, I took it, went outside for some fresh air (uhhh, a cigarette..haha) and just tried to calm myself down. Ashley is a godsend because her Xanax really helped me. I've still been on the verge of tears all day, but panic feeling is gone. For now.
I guess I'll just keep praying. That always seems to help the most. :)
I decided today that I'm going to cut off all my hair. When I start feeling like I need a change, I always cut my hair or dye it a different color. haha. That's as crazy as I can get. :)
So, I made an appointment for next week. I'll probably totally regret it after I do it, but it's just hair....it will grow back. :)
My sister and niece are leaving tomorrow to go on a mission trip with their church to Mexico. I really wanted me and Zac to go, but I don't have the PTO to take off from work. :( And after our trip to Chicago, I can't afford to take off with no PTO. But Leah and Lucia will have a wonderful time and I'm super excited for them. Lucia truly has a heart for God. She is in love with God and her church. It's going to be a wonderful experience for her and I can't wait to hear all about it! Man, I'm going to miss them. :( But it's just a week, so....it'll be aight.
Pray for them to have a safe, fun trip!! :)