Happy Hump Day! :) Yes...I'm ready for the weekend! Imagine that.

Ok, so the storm has been here for a while...I'm just wondering when it will clear out.
I swear it's like, one thing after another.
But it's nothing I can't handle :)

So, I seem to be covered in some sort of rash/hives. I'm taking Benadryl (snore) and Predisone (a steroid, yay). UGH!
I'm so itchy. It sucks.

I'm bah-roke from all the doctor visits (for me & the boys) and medication! It's ridiculous.
Zac is having oral surgery this Friday. My poor baby.

Gage had a friend (Travis) stay the night earlier this week. They were outside playing baseball and Gage found a horny toad!





I can't remember the last time I saw a horny toad!!
Aren't they like...almost extinct?
Hmmmm...
Gage came home from drivers ed the other day with a new pick-up line.
Yes, apparently they don't just teach driving in drivers ed.
Once you have a license, and a vehicle (his has a truck already!), you have to know how to pick up the chicks.
So, Gage's new pick up line:
"Hey, don't we go to separate high schools together?"
Yeah....doesn't make any sense, but it's funny! :)
Oh, I'm so proud.

On to my Zackary.
Poor baby has to have oral surgery this Friday :/
I'm telling you....we are doctor/hospital bound lately!!

Here's a picture of Zac after riding the 4-wheeler with Gage out at my mom's.



Here's a tip for ya....Don't ride on the back of the 4-wheeler, facing the back, when riding on a lot dirt.
Your face WILL be covered in dirt!!
hahahaha.
Sneaky Zackary has also somehow convinced the teachers at the youth center that he's going into the 4th grade next year (he'll be in 3rd). That way he can hang out with the 4th grade and up, instead of the 3rd grade and under group.
Uhhh, sneaky little shit!!
He wasn't very happy with me yesterday when I called him out on it!! haha.
Sometimes he just cracks me up.

My favorite postcard this week on Postsecret......



Yep, my boys are definitely as weird as I am....and I'm ok with that! :)

Mom in a hat. Son in a hat.

Me and Zac chillin' at Books a Million.
:)
Wow, I'm a poet and didn't know it! :)

Happy Mother's Day to ME!! :)

My boys each gave me an awesome Mother's Day gift!!
I looooved them both!!


Now.....I'm telling you....you HAVE to watch the YouTube video I posted in my last blog before continuing down to Gage's Mother's Day gift.


For real.
It's funny.
Do it! :)

Unfortunately, this Mother's Day weekend was Zac's dad's weekend, so I did not have Zac on Mother's Day.

But he gave me my Mother's Day gift on Friday. :)
A painting of....yours truly! :)

How freaking adorable is this??? My little artist! :)

And, my gift from Gage.
Like I said....you have to watch the video to get it.

I loved it.
It's the thought that counts right?
and it made me laugh. :)

He is his mother's son.
I love my boys! :)


Hope all you Mothers out there had a great Mother's Day!! :)

Here's a story....

Tuesday night, Zac went to a birthday party at Skate Whirl. Yes, roller skating! I LOVE to skate....or I used to, anyways. I haven't gone in a couple years...I wonder if I could still do it? Anyways, on with my story.... Zac gets in the car and this is our conversation: Me: Did you have fun at the birthday party? Zac: Yeah. Me: Did you skate? Zac: Yeah. .............. Ok, I'm tired of trying to make conversation. I stop talking. .............. Zac: (big sigh) Me: What's up? Zac: There was this mean boy there. Me: Oh yeah? Why was he mean? What did he do? Zac: He punched a girl in the stomach and she almost threw up. Me: Eww. That IS mean! Zac: Yeah, then he pushed me and Nathan (birthday boy) down. Me: Aw, are you ok? Zac: Yeah, but I cried, I was embarrassed. Me: It's alright. No big deal. Did you push him back? Zac: Yeah! ......... Zac: Well, I tried to push him, but I kept rolling back in my skates. Me and Gage: ahahahahahahahahaha. (ok, I KNOW a lot of people think I'm wrong, but I DO tell my kids...they hit you, you hit them back! Gotta learn to take up for yourself! I do tell them that they NEVER throw the first punch/push/whatnot.)

Oh...hi, how are ya?

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. The days are just flying by, it seems!

This weekend my cousin Carrie came in town and I got to see Annabel and Ava! They are so precious! Annabel is the happiest baby I've ever seen! Always smiling! I wish they lived closer so I could see them more often :(

Saturday night I went out with Leah and Carrie. We went and ate at Bar L, then went to Denim and Diamonds. A new "nightclub" here in the Falls. I should've known by the name that it would be filled with mostly cowboys and cowgirls. As I walk in, I start to feel a little more out of place (than I usually do). I'm always feeling a little out of place in bars, well...really anywhere there are tons of people. But especially Saturday night at the cowboy bar in my shirt that's ripped off at the bottom, holey jeans, and Converse.

But it was still a good time. We had fun sitting back, drinking beer, making fun of all the people out on the dance floor.

It's easy to make fun of someone dancing when you're too scared to get out there yourself. haha. Yeah, I don't dance!! I could count on one hand how many times I've attempted.

So, it turned out to be a fun night anyways.

Sunday we went to my mom's, my step dad cooked out for Gage's birthday.

That's always a fun time. My little sister brought her new boyfriend over. :) He was a cutie. He plays drums in a band at a church. That's a plus for me. He takes Lacey and her son Gavin to play some disk golf or something at the Falls park, another plus. He's her age...annnnd, another plus! I like this guy for her. :) He seems sweet.

I hope we didn't scare him away. haha.

Monday was Zac's follow up appointment with his anxiety medicine. We started him on Lexapro, but within a week I could tell that it was not for him! He was overly active. Like...insane. So, we changed him to Prozac. Which I thought was for depression...seeing how I take it for that reason. But the doctor said that Prozac was originally made for anxiety. I said that doesn't make sense, because I take it for depression, but I'm always anxious. I sometimes have to take Xanax for my anxiety. He said that the lower the dose works well for anxiety, but the higher you go, it works for depression...but can start to cause anxiety. Wow.

Anyways, we started Zac on Prozac and I notice a difference. He actually went to the park with Lucia AND her friends the other day. Any other time, he would go with Lucia, but not her friends. He's not comfortable around people he doesn't really know. (Anxiety!) But it wasn't a huge difference because he still has his little tics. The doctor said he noticed it wasn't happening as much. But it's still happening. So, he upped the medication in hopes that it would help more. I asked him if he thought it would stop completely. He says that usually when someone has tics caused by such a high anxiety, they won't stop completely until puberty...if at all. If it doesn't stop, then the older they get, the easier it is to control.

Sooo, I guess we will just have to sit and wait. His teacher said yesterday that he seemed a little more hyper today. Monday night was his first night to take a double dose. Let's just hope it needs to get in his system and it works.

It's so hard finding the right medication. It breaks my heart to do trail and error with my 8 year old son, but it breaks my heart even more for him to have to deal with all this anxiety.

So, we will just continue to try medications and pray that we find something that works well for him.



On to my day on Tuesday. We found out Tuesday that my uncle Billy's (the one we're planning to visit during spring break) brother Gary passed away on Monday. :( He was only 53 years old, but very sick. He lived with my aunt and uncle and my aunt Brenda found him Monday morning. He had died sometime in the night.

It is heartbreaking, he was a sweet, sweet man who always had a smile on his face. He always made a point to talk to everyone around. He was deaf, but could read lips well. He was a sweetheart.

Of course, we felt that now would not be a good time to visit, but my aunt Brenda said that my uncle Billy still wants us to come visit. So, I guess we will still be going there for a few days next week.



On to today....not much going on today. Zac will be at his dad's. I have to pick up Gage from school and I guess take him home to get ready for his date with his girlfriend. I have to pick her up, drop them off at El Chicos, then go back and pick them up when they're done, and take her home. Ohhhh, sometimes I cannot wait until he has a license!! haha.

Too cute, though.



So, that's what's been going on with me!!

I still haven't really looked into classes yet. I guess I should do that now, since we're slow at work.....

hilarious

Have you ever seen one of these?

It's a head massager. :) It's pretty awesome.
When you first do it, it gives you goosebumps all over and you cringe away. It takes some getting used to.

Zac died laughing when I first did it to him.
Then I made him a deal. I told him that if he let me do it, five times in a row without laughing or moving, I would buy him some ice cream.
I know, I'm a mean mom. haha.
Here's part of the video of him trying....

Finally....

I am so excited that "Blue Valentine" FINALLY came here!! I'm going to see it tomorrow, ferrr surrre, baby!
I will come armed with tons of tissue, because I KNOW I'm going to need it. I've been waiting for this movie to play here, but I thought I was going to have to wait for it to come out on DVD!
Yay!


I LOVE RYAN GOSLING!!!! In EVERYthing he does. I have not seen a movie of his that I don't love. He's brilliant.


Know who else I love? This is a fairly new crush.
Sam Rockwell. I've always loved him in everything. He's awesome.
But I kinda have a crush on him now. :)

Have you seen "Conviction"? It was wonderful! Hilary Swank is another one that is awesome in everything.

I just love movies.
AND BOOKS! I'm reading "Water for Elephants". It took me a bit to get into it, but now I can't put it down!!
I guess I just love escaping from reality. :)

Speaking of reality, Zac's appointment went well yesterday.
The doctor seems to think that medication for his anxiety would benefit him more than ADHD medication. He thinks that the anxiety is causing his inability to focus.
So, last night we started Lexapro. We're ready to see how this will work for him.
Hopefully it helps the anxiety and hopefully it will also help him with his little ticks (blinking, hand movements).

We shall see.
I'm so glad it's the weekend. I haven't been able to get much sleep, since the weather has been bad. Staying the night at my sister's to be closer to work...I stay up later. Watching movies, hanging with the kids. Ugh! I need my 8 hours!!!
Speaking of watching movies, we watched "Paranormal Activity 2". It wasn't as good as the first one, but I liked it. Zac, Lucia, and Jack were all line up on the couch with a blanket pulled up over their noses, watching with us. They were scared, but unable to tear their eyes away. :)
Good stuff.

Oh...by the way...

More snow today. Lovely. Although it's really not as bad as last week. At least it's just snow, not snow on top of ice. So, remember me telling you about the man that was looking in my sister's window in broad daylight last week? Well, the night before last, her dog was barking and barking at 2:30 in the morning. She looked out the back door, didn't see anything. So, she went to look out the kitchen window...and there was a man standing beside her car. He crouched down and they had a staring contest. Finally he ducked down and took off. Scary. This has been happening a little too often. Last night we were watching a movie and the dog started barking. I jerked my head around and stared at Leah, wide eyed....she just laughed at me. I was just a little bit scared. :) I guess it was nothing though, because the dog stopped barking and we didn't hear either one of our alarms on our cars go off. Brenda at work said she should call the police department, just to tell them about the past couple weeks, so they could patrol the neighborhood. I concur. I'm so glad that I made it to work today. I cannot handle any more time off. Plus all my appointments and Zac's appointments are taking time out of work too! Zac's doctor appointments alone are breaking me, money wise!! Monday he had an eye appointment. Today he has a dentist appointment. Tomorrow we have his appointment to see about medication for his anxiety/ADHD. Therapy every 2 weeks. UGH! But I really can't complain because the therapy really seems to be helping! Although his wrist twisting has seemed to stop, he is now blinking non-stop. Which is why he had an eye appointment on Monday, but his vision is fine. I guess it's a new thing. Weird. His next therapy session is Tuesday, so we'll talk about his new tick. Friday I have to go to court for the 5 hundred millionth time! UGH! What is the point?? Five years and $23,000 + of back child support....there is really no reason. Oh well, at least I can say I'm doing my part. blah. The the week after next, I'm FINALLY taking Beauty to get her fixed. I can't handle puppies again!! I wanted to keep them all!! And I don't even like animals all that much :) Soooo, I seem to have accomplished the quitting smoking. I have not had a cigarette since September...something. My new goal, give up Dr Pepper. If you know me, you know this is REALLY going to be a challenge. More so than cigarettes I think. I started smoking when I was 15. I started my addiction to Dr Pepper at age 11. All I drink all day, everyday is Dr Pepper. I'm on day 2 of no Dr Pepper. I had a major head ache yesterday, but today I'm doing ok. :) Hopefully I can do this!

Just so you know....

We finally got a hot wire put up around our fence :( The annoying neighbors were complaining AGAIN this weekend!

Our pretty, sweet Beauty. :)

It's weird that they say Beauty is always at their house, but when I get home, she's always laying on the porch waiting for us. Saturday it felt pretty good outside, so Jack and Zac were playing outside with Beauty. Gage had the backyard gate open, because they were running in and out while he was picking up the yard. I guess Beauty heard our neighbors outside and ran over there. I went outside to check on the boys and Zac was over there trying to get Beauty and my stupid neighbor was yelling at Zac to get our dog in the yard. She's calling the sherriff, your dog's going to get pregnant again, she's going to the pound...blah, blah, blah. Gage got Beauty's lease, went over there to get Beauty and told her if she has a problem, not to talk to his 7 year old brother about it...come over and talk to my mom about it.



Seriously. I was pissed. She had Zac so upset, he was crying about the sherriff taking Beauty to the pound.



The sherriff has been out a couple times, I think he knows my neighbor is crazy. I'm not worried about it. But, I went ahead and put the hot wire up. Just to shut her up about Beauty.


What a b.

So, I watched "Case 39" last night. It was pretty good. But ya know...I'm just not a fan of Renee Zellweger. Of course, I liked "Jerry McGuire" and "Chicago".....but I just never like her character. Her voice annoys me.

Anyways, it was a pretty good movie. There are so many movies out on DVD that I want to see! I still need to see "The Social Network", "Town", "Catfish", "Piranha", "The Last Exorcism". "Easy A", "The Other Guys".


Wow! That's a lot of movies. I may need to lock myself in my house this weekend and just watch movie after movie!


That sounds nice! :)

Zac had his second therapy yesterday. His hand motions aren't as frequent as they were, but he's still doing it. Next month we go to see about getting him some medication for his ADHD and anxiety. I'm so ready for the ADHD medicine. If I had 1/4 of the energy he has, I would be set!!

Zac at Christmas, putting out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for Rudolph!! haha.



Our work has a new website! I'm the shortest of the office workers. haha. But how sad if there were someone shorter than 5'2"!! :)




Today two women in their 60's came in. I asked the patient who she wanted as her emergency contact. She pointed to the lady she was with. I asked,"relationship?" She said,"My friend." Her friend said,"Her best friend...her BFF!" hahaha. LOVE IT!!!




Marianne and I always refer to eachother as BFF, so I couldn't help but laugh and think of my BFF....and wonder if we'll still be BFF's when we're in our 60's.



I don't have much longer to go until I'm there. hahaha. jk, jk.




Happy Wednesday, everyone!!!

Here's the 4-1-1 on my boy :)

So, we had Zac's appointment yesterday. The doctor says he definitely has high anxiety....hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from! He is ADHD. She says she is saying it is probable that he has Aspergers. But she wants to do further testing on that before saying for sure.

We're going to start therapy for the anxiety (and also self esteem type issues...hmm, wonder where he gets that...I guess he is his mother's son) and then also 6 weeks of group classes with other kids with the same problem. His first therapy session is this Saturday.

Then in February, has an appointment to see about trying different medications, either for the anxiety...that may also help with the ADHD, or medicine for the ADHD, that may also help with the anxiety. She says one may be causing the other. Soooo, we shall see.

I was a mess yesterday. I couldn't help but think the confidence in himself was my fault. Maybe I didn't praise him enough? Maybe I wasn't the mother I should have been, especially going through the divorce and seperation from his dad. I went a little crazy and started going out all the time. Maybe I neglected him?

I don't know, but of course, being a parent, you can't help but blame yourself.

I guess I'm just glad that we're figuring out what's going on, so we help him out.....and me! Because believe me, a child with ADHD, anxiety, and possibly Aspergers is quite a handful sometimes. :)

But I thank all my friends and family for the support I've been given :) I would have lost it by now, if not for them. Especially my sister, who goes to the appointments with me. She made me feel better yesterday when I went through my bawling and self blaming game.

Let's see how long they can keep us waiting.....

December 1st. Here comes the Zackary count down. Everyday is....how many more days until Christmas? Well, how many days until Christmas Eve? I mean, everyday he'll be asking!!

One of my all time favorite Christmas movies......National Lampoons Christmas Vacation!
classic.

So, we had Zac's doctor appointment today. It lasted a little over three hours, which is better than the four hours they said it would be.

I read about 15 chapters of a book my sister let me borrow called "The Doctor's Wife". It's pretty good. It made the time go by pretty fast.

Of course, it was stupid of me to think they'd tell me anything today.

Of course, I have to go back on the 16 for the test results.

I hate all this waiting.

Oh well. Off to church we go!! :)

Then home to watch 'Survivor'! looooove it!

Need a new book to read!

I was making out Christmas cards last night...yes, I'm doing that already! We also got our tree put up yesterday! :) Anyways, I was addressing the envelopes and Zac asks if he can send a card to Santa. Well, of course, you can! All he has to do is set it beside Happy and he'll make sure Santa gets it. So, he writes Santa a long note inside the Christmas card, puts it in the envelope, puts one of my stamps on it, gosh! haha. Then brings it to me and says, "Do you like it?" Well, Zac, you misspelled Santa! You forgot the "n". OH! Is this better? Well, Zac....you have the n in the wrong place, it's SaN-TA. S-A-N-T-A, not S-A-T-A-N. hahaha. scribble, scribble, scribble write, write, write "Is this better?" "Well..." "What did I mess up on now?" "Well, nothing...it looks perfect! Santa will love it!" Even if you wrote 'Sorry I bib that' instead of "did" with an arrow to the scribbled out "Satan". hahahaa. I love that kid! Speaking of which, I can feel my anxiety rising. His appointment is this Wednesday. And while we are all excited about it, to figure out what's going on, I can't help but having the racing heart and sick to my stomach feeling. Ugh. I may need a Xanax the next couple days. Ohhh, just thinking about it, I can't breathe!!! So, Zac's testing is going to be 4 hours long. I need a good book to read!! I've read all the Sookie Stackhouse novels that are out. I read Stephen King's new book "Full Dark, No Stars"...which was freaking wonderful! Four short stories...oh my gosh. I couldn't put it down!! Loved it! So, what can I start reading now? Any suggestions? :)

Toes

Zac knows very well that he's not supposed to sneak in bed with me. He takes up the whole bed!! But how cute is he, laying across the bed with his feet hanging off? haha.

So, my step dad changed my tire! He's such a good dad :)

Only TWO more days of work and I'm off for FOUR DAYS!! Heck yeah! Love it.

My sister made dinner for us tonight. It was really good. Lucia had her hermit crabs in the sink earlier for "playtime". Leah took them out without Lucia knowing.

She was rinsing dishes in the sink, turned on the garbage disposal and said,"Oh my gosh! I just turned this on and forgot the crabs were in there." Lucia almost staring bawling.

It was funny. Man, we're mean. haha.

Long time, No talk....Part 2

So, when I ended my last blog entry, I said that I had a cry fest last night. Man, it was bad. I cried from about 6:00 until....well...off and on til bedtime. Then when I woke up...then this morning I was fighting the tears, since I had to work with the patients.
All I have to say is,"Thank God for my sister, Leah." I have no idea what I'd do without her. She is not only my sister, but my best friend, and also...my therapist! Me and my boys therapist, apparently. haha.
So, on to the reasoning for my crying spell.
Everyone knows....well, if you know me or read my blog...that I have a CRAZY 7 year old son. I love him more than life itself. Gage and Zac are my world. But as much as I love Zac the Maniac, I have admit that he is sometimes hard to handle. Especially being a single mom with two boys. It's hard sometimes. I've always known that Zac was a little different.
I was talking to a guy I used to work with at the state hospital. Just talking about the weird little things that Zac does.
Well, he and my sister think he may be mildly autistic.
Now when I think about autistic kids, I think about the hard core autistic kids that I worked with at the state hospital. Granted he does do some of the things they did, but just not so extreme.
Zac is extremely smart. He's able to communicate and do things on his own. So, him being autistic never crossed my mind. I thought...ADD or ADHD...or something along those lines.
Anyways, about a month ago, he started twisting his wrist. Like you would if you hurt your wrist. But he does it all the time. Which the RN at the state hospital I was talking to about Zac, said that he was developing OCD behaviors, which is common with autistic children.
I've had this on my mind a lot lately. And I've been wanting to get him an appointment with a specialist, so we can find out for sure what's going on.
Yesterday after me and Zac picked up Gage from baseball practice, we went to get Subway. We went home, sat down at the dinner table, and starting eating. Zac was doing is wrist again and he looked at me and said,"Mom, I have a problem." I was like..."Oh yeah, what's that?"
He said,"I keep doing my wrist like this and I don't know why. I can't stop."
It broke my heart into a million pieces.
Yeah, I've noticed the problem, but when my 7 year old son comes to me, realizing that he's different and he's doing something that is beyond his control......Broke.My.Heart.
So, I do what I always do and I called my sister. She drove right out and had a talk with Zac. Talking about stuff like that is always so easy for her. It's hard for me, just because communication has always been my downfall. And I just cry so easily.
So, thank God for Leah. She went to his room and talked to him about it for about 30 minutes. I was crying the whole time. When they came out of the room I heard him say,"Thank you for talking to me, Leah" She said,"Anytime, buddy. Anytime you feel like you need to talk, you can talk to me." broke.my.heart.
Long story...less long, she talked to him about his doctors appointment and we're going to figure out something to help him. That there's nothing wrong with him, everyone has something that is different and this is his thing. And we're going to do everything we can to help him.
breaks.my.heart.
I love that little guy more than anything. And I just can't stand that this is something that he's obviously been thinking about and worrying about.

Anyways, sorry this was so long. But this is what caused my breakdown last night.
Hopefully when I take him to the specialist we can get something done for my little baby. :)

Day Eleven: Last day for pictures, I believe!

Day Eleven of the 30 Day Challenge:

A photo taken of you recently.

Zac took this picture of me while I was checking his homework the other day. He LOVES taking pictures.

He especially loves taking pictures of himself, making crazy faces. :) haha. My little dork.

First day of school.....*tear*

Happy First Day of School, kiddos!!
When I pulled up to Zac's school, he said,"I don't think I want to go today." haha. I was like, sorry bud, you don't have a choice! Poor guy. But he gets out at 1 today, it'll be a short day.



Gage thinks he's too cool to get his "first day of school" picture taken. I really don't understand the black socks. I always tell him how retarded it looks, but he says it's the "style". Seriously?
When we went to orientation, there were so many boys wearing the black socks.
I say,"ewww". Some of the boys were even wearing the black socks with the slip on Nike shoes, flip flops...whatever they are.
d.o.r.k.s.

But I guess if that's THEIR style....then go for it. :) I'm sure I wore plenty of things in my life that my mom thought was just as retarded. haha.

I hope my boys have a wonderful first day!! :)

Air....I...need....air.

So, in a couple hours, we're going to "Meet the Teacher" for Zac. :) I'm going to have to warn her that she's going to have her hands full with this boy. :) Zac the maniac!

Going to meet the teacher with Zac, going into 2nd grade is a piece of cake.

Tomorrow is another story. Oh my gosh. My heart is beating so fast just thinking about it.
Orientation at Rider tomorrow! My baby is going to be a Freshman!! Whaaaat?

(someone needs a haircut before Monday!!!)

I'm really having a hard time with this. I try to put it in the back of my mind, but then the girls at work start asking about the kids and school...then they're like,"Oh, Gage is going to high school??" And I get short of breath, tight in the chest, panic. Pure panic.

Someone says, "Those girls are fast. They're little whores." Another one says, "Oh, there are a couple girls by where I live waiting for the bus. They're always out there smoking."
OMG, people! Are you trying to make me have a heart attack?? I can't handle this.

Honestly, I can't. I'm going to have to take a Xanax before taking him tomorrow. I'll probably cry. I most definitely will on the first day of school.
It's like more painful to me than kindergarten was, I think.

Oh, I can't breathe.

I can't talk about it anymore!

Dreams and annoyances and such.

Before I really get started writing this blog, I just wanted to add in a little note. (*ok, it apparently turned into a super long note....sorry.)
For those that know me, like really know me...you know I'm totally telling the truth when I say that I absolutely, under no circumstances, ever want to, or would EVER get back together with my ex-husband. We've have been separated/divorced since Zac was a year old. He is now 7. I wanted out of my marriage. Not to say that he was a bad person. He wasn't. He had a good job, was quite the "family man", tall, decent looking, good to my son, and now good to his son. But I think it's something with me. I'm not big on commitment. Not like I'm one to go and sleep around. I mean, I'm 32 years old and I've only been with THREE people my whole life. First, being Gage's dad. Second, being Zac's dad. And third being my last boyfriend. And all of the relationships lasted at least 4 years or longer. (Even if the last one was on and off and on and off and on and off......) And I never cheated once. Totally and completely loyal, even if they weren't. It's not in me. So, it's not that at all. I think I'm just independent. I don't want anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Where I can and cannot go. Plus I get pretty reclusive sometimes, where I don't talk to my friends or even my family for like a week straight. Of course, not my kids. I just get where I want it to be just us, at home, chilling. Alone.
I love to be alone. I love being my own person.

With allllllllll of that being said.....I have a little embarrassing thing to admit.
I've been having a lot of dreams about my ex-husband.
I always remember my dreams and I'm always trying to interpret them. Sometimes I'll even look them up online, and I'll be like....hmmm, that actually makes sense.
So, I've been wondering why, why, why am I having dreams about him??? And I've come to a few conclusions, possibly.

1.) He is getting remarried.
I'm very happy for him. She's a nice girl and Zac loves her. She also has a son Zac's age, so he always has fun when he goes to visit. And like I said before, he was always a family man, liked being the "man of the house".

2.) Both of my boys have been on me to "get a boyfriend", "get married", "go on a date".
With Zac, I know it's because he wants a man in the house. Maybe he sees his dad and 'step mom' together and thinks I need someone.
With Gage, I think it's either that he wants a male role model in his life, since he's 14, the age where you really need a man in your life. Since his dad is a freaking meth using loser, who dropped out of his life when he was like 11 years old. Sorry....little bitter there....
Oooooor, I've been thinking lately that he wants me to get a boyfriend, so I will quit being all up in his business. haha. But sorry, that's NOT gonna happen!! I will always want to know, WHERE are you going, WHEN are you going to be home, WHO are you going with, WHY are y'all doing that, and so on. :)
That's just being a mom.

3.) That's really the only two conclusions that I've come to. He's getting married, and my boys are trying to pressure me into being with someone. And while I love my boys more than anything in this world, I have to say, I'm not going to do this for them. I'm not going to go out looking for a man. I'm very happy and comfortable by myself. I love it being just me and my boys.

So, I think I've figured it out, brain. You can stop with the ex-husband dreams. It's really start to annoy the hell out of me. :)
Why can't I just dream about Eric Northman, for crying out loud??? :)

You're a terrible singer....but I like this song.

I got off work at 9 o'clock this morning. Very nIIIce. Three hours is better than none, right?? :)




So, I got my sister's scrapbook finished...now I wonder if I can wait until the 23rd to give it to her? Probably not. haha. I'm the worst about wanting to give gifts the minute I get them...or in this case, finish them. :)

I picked up Zac from the Youth Senter and we went to Hobby Lobby to buy some stuff to finish it up. This is him in the parking lot.....apparently this is the look I get when I sing. :)
Hey, I know I can't sing! But I like to, anyways...and if you're in MY car, you have to listen to it! haha.






When we got back in the car, out of the 105 degree heat, Zac once again told me his armpits were getting moister. But this time he added...."turn on the air conditioner or mushrooms will start growing out of my pits!"
d.o.r.k.
:)

"Candy Cane"

Well, I guess back to work tomorrow :( It sure was nice having an extra day off during the week. But only 3 more days and it will be the weekend....again. :)

Another child free weekend! Zac will be at his dad's the next two weekends, before school starts...and Gage is hanging out with his friend Cory, until he has to go back to BOSTON! I thought he moved to Washington.....hmmm, they both end in "ton". haha. Whatev.

So I'm just hanging out, watching "Joy Ride"!



I forgot how much I like this movie. It's been a long time since I've seen it.



I love Steve Zahn and Paul Walker. Steve Zahn cracks me up in this movie. Well, really in pretty much every movie he's in. He was also in "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" that Zac and I watched the other day. Cute movie. :)

But really, I REALLY love to look at Paul Walker. Major crush on this boy.

He's just too pretty for words. :) And he's the ONLY reason I'll watch the "Fast and the Furious" movies. :)

hello!