Happy Hump Day! :) Yes...I'm ready for the weekend! Imagine that.

Ok, so the storm has been here for a while...I'm just wondering when it will clear out.
I swear it's like, one thing after another.
But it's nothing I can't handle :)

So, I seem to be covered in some sort of rash/hives. I'm taking Benadryl (snore) and Predisone (a steroid, yay). UGH!
I'm so itchy. It sucks.

I'm bah-roke from all the doctor visits (for me & the boys) and medication! It's ridiculous.
Zac is having oral surgery this Friday. My poor baby.

Gage had a friend (Travis) stay the night earlier this week. They were outside playing baseball and Gage found a horny toad!





I can't remember the last time I saw a horny toad!!
Aren't they like...almost extinct?
Hmmmm...
Gage came home from drivers ed the other day with a new pick-up line.
Yes, apparently they don't just teach driving in drivers ed.
Once you have a license, and a vehicle (his has a truck already!), you have to know how to pick up the chicks.
So, Gage's new pick up line:
"Hey, don't we go to separate high schools together?"
Yeah....doesn't make any sense, but it's funny! :)
Oh, I'm so proud.

On to my Zackary.
Poor baby has to have oral surgery this Friday :/
I'm telling you....we are doctor/hospital bound lately!!

Here's a picture of Zac after riding the 4-wheeler with Gage out at my mom's.



Here's a tip for ya....Don't ride on the back of the 4-wheeler, facing the back, when riding on a lot dirt.
Your face WILL be covered in dirt!!
hahahaha.
Sneaky Zackary has also somehow convinced the teachers at the youth center that he's going into the 4th grade next year (he'll be in 3rd). That way he can hang out with the 4th grade and up, instead of the 3rd grade and under group.
Uhhh, sneaky little shit!!
He wasn't very happy with me yesterday when I called him out on it!! haha.
Sometimes he just cracks me up.

My favorite postcard this week on Postsecret......



Yep, my boys are definitely as weird as I am....and I'm ok with that! :)

Here's the 4-1-1 on my boy :)

So, we had Zac's appointment yesterday. The doctor says he definitely has high anxiety....hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from! He is ADHD. She says she is saying it is probable that he has Aspergers. But she wants to do further testing on that before saying for sure.

We're going to start therapy for the anxiety (and also self esteem type issues...hmm, wonder where he gets that...I guess he is his mother's son) and then also 6 weeks of group classes with other kids with the same problem. His first therapy session is this Saturday.

Then in February, has an appointment to see about trying different medications, either for the anxiety...that may also help with the ADHD, or medicine for the ADHD, that may also help with the anxiety. She says one may be causing the other. Soooo, we shall see.

I was a mess yesterday. I couldn't help but think the confidence in himself was my fault. Maybe I didn't praise him enough? Maybe I wasn't the mother I should have been, especially going through the divorce and seperation from his dad. I went a little crazy and started going out all the time. Maybe I neglected him?

I don't know, but of course, being a parent, you can't help but blame yourself.

I guess I'm just glad that we're figuring out what's going on, so we help him out.....and me! Because believe me, a child with ADHD, anxiety, and possibly Aspergers is quite a handful sometimes. :)

But I thank all my friends and family for the support I've been given :) I would have lost it by now, if not for them. Especially my sister, who goes to the appointments with me. She made me feel better yesterday when I went through my bawling and self blaming game.

More appointments....ugh.

Ok, I had to make an appointment with my doctor. I think it's ridiculous that I can't have something on my mind without my heart flip-flopping around and having that tight chest feeling. It's ridiculous.

So, today's anxiety attack is brought to you by: Zac's follow up appointment. I'm leaving work in about 15 minutes to get Zac's test results.

Of course, my sister is going with me. I'm emotionally challenged and apparently can't do anything by myself these days without having panic attacks or nervous break downs.

I don't understand. I used to be so patient, so calm about everything. No worries.

Well, of course I had worries, but they never caused such a reaction as I get now.

Ridiculous.

So, anywayssssssss, as nervous as I am, I'm ready to get Zac's results today! :)

Oh, and only 9 more days until Christmas?!?!!? What the heck is that??? Santa needs to get on the ball and get some gifts for my boys!! :)

Let's see how long they can keep us waiting.....

December 1st. Here comes the Zackary count down. Everyday is....how many more days until Christmas? Well, how many days until Christmas Eve? I mean, everyday he'll be asking!!

One of my all time favorite Christmas movies......National Lampoons Christmas Vacation!
classic.

So, we had Zac's doctor appointment today. It lasted a little over three hours, which is better than the four hours they said it would be.

I read about 15 chapters of a book my sister let me borrow called "The Doctor's Wife". It's pretty good. It made the time go by pretty fast.

Of course, it was stupid of me to think they'd tell me anything today.

Of course, I have to go back on the 16 for the test results.

I hate all this waiting.

Oh well. Off to church we go!! :)

Then home to watch 'Survivor'! looooove it!

Need a new book to read!

I was making out Christmas cards last night...yes, I'm doing that already! We also got our tree put up yesterday! :) Anyways, I was addressing the envelopes and Zac asks if he can send a card to Santa. Well, of course, you can! All he has to do is set it beside Happy and he'll make sure Santa gets it. So, he writes Santa a long note inside the Christmas card, puts it in the envelope, puts one of my stamps on it, gosh! haha. Then brings it to me and says, "Do you like it?" Well, Zac, you misspelled Santa! You forgot the "n". OH! Is this better? Well, Zac....you have the n in the wrong place, it's SaN-TA. S-A-N-T-A, not S-A-T-A-N. hahaha. scribble, scribble, scribble write, write, write "Is this better?" "Well..." "What did I mess up on now?" "Well, nothing...it looks perfect! Santa will love it!" Even if you wrote 'Sorry I bib that' instead of "did" with an arrow to the scribbled out "Satan". hahahaa. I love that kid! Speaking of which, I can feel my anxiety rising. His appointment is this Wednesday. And while we are all excited about it, to figure out what's going on, I can't help but having the racing heart and sick to my stomach feeling. Ugh. I may need a Xanax the next couple days. Ohhh, just thinking about it, I can't breathe!!! So, Zac's testing is going to be 4 hours long. I need a good book to read!! I've read all the Sookie Stackhouse novels that are out. I read Stephen King's new book "Full Dark, No Stars"...which was freaking wonderful! Four short stories...oh my gosh. I couldn't put it down!! Loved it! So, what can I start reading now? Any suggestions? :)

Long time, No talk....Part 2

So, when I ended my last blog entry, I said that I had a cry fest last night. Man, it was bad. I cried from about 6:00 until....well...off and on til bedtime. Then when I woke up...then this morning I was fighting the tears, since I had to work with the patients.
All I have to say is,"Thank God for my sister, Leah." I have no idea what I'd do without her. She is not only my sister, but my best friend, and also...my therapist! Me and my boys therapist, apparently. haha.
So, on to the reasoning for my crying spell.
Everyone knows....well, if you know me or read my blog...that I have a CRAZY 7 year old son. I love him more than life itself. Gage and Zac are my world. But as much as I love Zac the Maniac, I have admit that he is sometimes hard to handle. Especially being a single mom with two boys. It's hard sometimes. I've always known that Zac was a little different.
I was talking to a guy I used to work with at the state hospital. Just talking about the weird little things that Zac does.
Well, he and my sister think he may be mildly autistic.
Now when I think about autistic kids, I think about the hard core autistic kids that I worked with at the state hospital. Granted he does do some of the things they did, but just not so extreme.
Zac is extremely smart. He's able to communicate and do things on his own. So, him being autistic never crossed my mind. I thought...ADD or ADHD...or something along those lines.
Anyways, about a month ago, he started twisting his wrist. Like you would if you hurt your wrist. But he does it all the time. Which the RN at the state hospital I was talking to about Zac, said that he was developing OCD behaviors, which is common with autistic children.
I've had this on my mind a lot lately. And I've been wanting to get him an appointment with a specialist, so we can find out for sure what's going on.
Yesterday after me and Zac picked up Gage from baseball practice, we went to get Subway. We went home, sat down at the dinner table, and starting eating. Zac was doing is wrist again and he looked at me and said,"Mom, I have a problem." I was like..."Oh yeah, what's that?"
He said,"I keep doing my wrist like this and I don't know why. I can't stop."
It broke my heart into a million pieces.
Yeah, I've noticed the problem, but when my 7 year old son comes to me, realizing that he's different and he's doing something that is beyond his control......Broke.My.Heart.
So, I do what I always do and I called my sister. She drove right out and had a talk with Zac. Talking about stuff like that is always so easy for her. It's hard for me, just because communication has always been my downfall. And I just cry so easily.
So, thank God for Leah. She went to his room and talked to him about it for about 30 minutes. I was crying the whole time. When they came out of the room I heard him say,"Thank you for talking to me, Leah" She said,"Anytime, buddy. Anytime you feel like you need to talk, you can talk to me." broke.my.heart.
Long story...less long, she talked to him about his doctors appointment and we're going to figure out something to help him. That there's nothing wrong with him, everyone has something that is different and this is his thing. And we're going to do everything we can to help him.
breaks.my.heart.
I love that little guy more than anything. And I just can't stand that this is something that he's obviously been thinking about and worrying about.

Anyways, sorry this was so long. But this is what caused my breakdown last night.
Hopefully when I take him to the specialist we can get something done for my little baby. :)