Today....

Today, I'm in a good mood. I love when I'm in a good mood. The last couple weeks have been hard. But we're starting Zac on a new medication (and I'm hopeful), I'm caught up on all my bills (well, I will be tomorrow..payday), and I'm feeling good. :)

Today, at work, I received a check in the mail payments for .28 cents. Yes, someone wrote us a check for 28 cents. Wow. Really?

Today, I checked in a little old 80-something woman. She and her cute little 80-something husband were adorable.
It made me think.....
right now, I love being alone. I have my boys, that's all I need. That's all I have time for, really. But what about when they're grown and moved out and dating and don't need their mom anymore...and, and, and....what about then?
Will I be lonely? Or will I enjoy living alone for the first time in my entire life (as in no kids, no husband, no parents) and doing what I want, when I want?
I wonder....

Today, it is Cinco de Mayo.
I think I should celebrate by drinking a nice, cold beer tonight. :)

Today, a guy walked into my work wearing the cologne he used to wear (when we first started "dating"). I loved that smell. I remember lying in bed and being able to smell his cologne on my pillows long after he was gone.
That lingering smell always made me smile and smelling it today brought back a rush of memories.
Isn't it funny how a smell can do that to you?
Bittersweet.
bittersweet.

Today, it is beautiful out! I may have to take my kiddos to the park! :)

Happy Birthday, Girls!!

Happy TWENTY-SEVENTH Birthday, Marianne and Mickey!! Only my favorite twin girls EVER!! And believe me, I know A LOT of twin girls!!
Ok, not really....but they're still my fave! :)

At the St Paddy's Festival last year! Next one is next weekend! Wish Mickey could be here for it :(
Why are we cheezzzin' so??

At good ole Old Town.

At some karaoke bar on the twins' 24th birthday!!
lots o' shots, lots o' drinking, lots o' singing (not by me, obviously)...my poor Marianne got TRASHED! Had to take my bff home by midnight. hahaha. Remember that night, Marianne????

I've had some good times with these girls. I hope they have a fabulous birthday!!
Love you both! Happy Birthday!!!

Day 28: This Year in Great Detail

Day 28 of the 30 Day Challenge

Day 28: This Year in Great Detail

Seriously, all you have to do is go back and read this year's blogs. :) That's a lot of detail for ya.
Ok, ok, here are some pictures of this year so far....


My new mobile home! Ohhh, how I've always aspired to be trailer trash! It's a dream come true! haha. Just kidding. But seriously...it's 3 bedroom, 2 bath...and I'm super excited that I got it!!

Thursday of this week.......I will be seeing Kings of Leon!! Woo Hoo!




Went to the fair and this little guy fell in love with me. haha.


Celebrated my sister's THIRTY SIXTH birthday!!


My son got a girlfriend. :(
But isn't she cute?


I started postcrossing...which I absolutely love.


Went to Chicago....had the BEST time with my family and bff.


Me and my bff, the first night there.



Saw Mr. Willie Nelson in concert.....he is and always will be AMAZING!



Got a new obsession.......True Blood. And a new crush....ERIC NORTHMAN!!!




Finally saw Eclipse!! It was wonderful.



And I kinda started crushing on cute ole Jasper with his little Texan accent. ;)


Had a little girls night at my sisters.


Did some fun stuff with my boys: fair, Chuck E Cheese, visiting the fam.



Started blogging more. A LOT more.



Celebrated Annabel's FIRST birthday!!!


Did the Relay for Life.


St. Patricks Day festival.




The Road to Wrestlemania with my son and bff.




Took my son and a couple of his friends to Possum Kingdom cabins for a weekend for his birthday. Me, Leah, and Marianne have all gone with Gage and a few of his friends the past two years...good times.

Rainy days...

It's been raining pretty much non stop since last night. I would love it....if I could stay home in bed all day. But to have to get up and go to work....ugh.

Do you know how bad it sucks to be a smoker...who is only 5'2" and can never seem to find scrub pants that aren't too long???

It pretty much sucks.

I have to go outside and look like a complete ruh-tard, while I smoke. See.......the things I do for a cigarette. :)

On another sad note.....

R.I.P. Otho (from Beetlejuice). You were a funny, funny man. :(

Oh how I loved Beetlejuice. It was one of my all time favorites when I was a little girl. And I do still enjoy watching it to this day. :)

Day 8: A photo that makes you angry/sad

Day Eight of the 30 Day Challenge:

A photo that makes me angry/sad.

A photo that makes me sad. This was my Mee Maw and Paw Paw's house.....

My dad grew up in this house.

Me, my sister, and my cousin's grew up in this house. Oh the memories I have!!

My Mee Maw had breast cancer and towards the end, she didn't want to be in a hospital, she stayed in the house, in a hospital bed, and eventually died in this house.

After she died, my uncle, her son, Michael moved into the house. He lived there for a while. When I was about 14, me, my mom, and my sisters moved into the house. My mom got married to my step dad when I was about 16.

Leah and Dustin moved into the house shortly after.

Then my mom's sister moved there.

This house had been in our family for a looooong time.

My aunt, unfortunately, sold the house to someone who was not in our family. Less than six months later, it burned to the ground.

It should've stayed in the family. I was so upset when she sold it. And even more upset when I found out that it had been destroyed in a fire. :(

Hooo-hummm.

I'm feeling a little depressed now. Thanks a lot, 30 Day Challenge! ;)

Dan Dyer :p yum.

So a friend from wayyyyy back, when I was like 16, found me on Facebook. I guess he was looking through my pictures and saw my photos of the sexy Dan Dyer.
He was at the last show I went to, also.
Man, Dan Dyer...that brings up some memories. I'm listening to his songs online right now. If you've never heard him, you must check him out here!
I used to have one of his old cd's, but I lost it. :( I need to download it.
But definitely his old stuff. His new stuff just isn't as great as it used to be.
I remember every show we went to, people would be packed at the Iron Horse Pub. Like standing room only until 2:00 a.m. And the last two shows I went to, it was pretty much bare by midnight. :( It made me sad. Why do people mess with a good thing?? He got all experiemental, and it just wasn't that great.
Anyways, I still love the old stuff!!

Here's a pic of me and my cousin Bryan at one of his shows. :)


And of course, Mickey and Marianne....who were little smitten kittens around him! haha.
Man, that's an old pic!!!

One of my favorites:

GREAT OCEAN

here i am on this great ocean tonight

where to begin, i don’t know how to start

you tossed and you turned me all upside down

and put a shadow in my stars

so full of wonder the world seemed to me

in the eyes of a man/child

and i get so jaded in the irony

i get discouraged--as you make me

you make me doubt continually myself

and lately hope has turned to regret

and maybe i’d be better off alone

words of wisdom are so far apart

i don’t believe that you’re capable

and when i don’t believe in anything

i’m barely bearable--as you make me

you make me doubt continually myself

and lately hope has turned to regret

and maybe i’d be better off alone

here i am on this great ocean tonight

where to begin, i don’t know how to start

you tossed and you turned me all upside down

and put a shadow in my stars

Now THAT brings back some memories......

So, I'm making a scrap book for my big sis for her birthday coming up...on August 23rd. She'll be the big THREE-SIX!!!

I went out to my garage and started looking through boxes of pictures that I have. Wow. There are so many pictures out there! Some I could have gone without seeing. Pics with the ex-husband, ex-boyfriends. Awkward junior high school years.

But I found an old picture that I had to share. It's a picture of me and my bff, Marianne, at a baby shower the JCP girls threw for me. I was pregnant with my youngest, Zac.
Dang, I was fat. But look at sexy Marianne!
Love the scarf around her neck. She used to dress it up, yo!! haha.

And then I realized.....

At what point in your life did you realize your parents weren't perfect?
Me and my sister talked about this...a long time ago. When she was in college, a professor asked her class that question.
You know, when you're a child, you think your mom is the most beautiful woman in the world. You think she can do no wrong. You think your dad is the most amazing man in the world. You want to marry your dad when you're little. Then you want to marry a man JUST LIKE your daddy!
But at some point, you realize it. My mom isn't perfect. My dad isn't perfect.
Leah asked me when I realized it. It took me a long time to figure it out.
I'm pretty good at blocking out things in my past that weren't the "best of times".

With my dad, the moment I realized he wasn't everything I thought he was, was when my Mee Maw (his mom) died. He was an alcoholic and drug addict (he's been clean for about 17 years now).
Anyways, I loved my Mee Maw sooo much.
She had breast cancer and she was a nurse. When she got so sick, she moved a hospital bed into her house. She didn't want to die in a hospital. She wanted to be home. So, my dad and his 4 siblings would take turns staying at her house, taking care of her. On weekends that it was my dad's turn to take care of her....and also his weekend to keep me and my sister, he would leave us with our sick grandmother while he went out partying.
You'd think that would be the moment I realized he wasn't perfect, but I was still pretty young. Maybe nine or so? But I didn't realize it then, all I knew was I was getting to spend time with my Mee Maw. :)
When she died, I was heartbroken. I came home from school and my mom told me she had passed away. I stayed in my room all night and just cried.
I went to the funeral with my dad and sister. I remember sitting next to my dad and I was crying so hard, I couldn't catch my breath. You'd think my dad would try to comfort his daughter, or something. Instead, he swatted my leg and told me to shut it up.
I tried so hard to stop crying, but it was so hard. I just sat there, tears running down my face.
That was the moment I realized my dad wasn't perfect. That moment is burned in my brain and still breaks my heart to this day.
As for my mom, I don't know. I know she's not perfect. But not one moment stands out really. She worked a lot. She wasn't really around much. Leah practically raised me and my little sister. I'm thankful I had Leah. I still lean on her more than I probably should. She's my mother figure that I go to now. I talk to my mom and she is wonderful. We get along great and I can tell her anything. But the first person I call when I have something going on, good or bad...that would be Leah.
It always will be.
So, I'm sure there was something my mom did, that made me realize she wasn't perfect. But it wasn't something so bad that I can pin point it. I think that's a good thing, right?

What was the point of this blog? I don't know. I just wonder if other people have certain moments when they realize that. Or maybe you're lucky enough to still think your parents are perfect?

scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind....

I was just looking at old pics on my computer and thought I post some....or five hundred and fifty two. :) Sorry, it's a lot, but I just love looking at old pics.

Me, Jack, and Annabel, at Annabel's 1st birthday party!! She is truly a miracle!!

My 30th birthday, at Bingo...where I won $500!! Then to Toby's! That was a fun, fun night!!

30th birthday, and I took my first shot ever. Seriously....and can you tell...I didn't like it much! ;)

Chris giving me a birthday kiss. He told me I was dirty thirty.

I don't know who these guys were, but they were funny. And they bought me my first shot ever.


Gage at my Uncle Billy and Aunt Brenda's.

Abby, Ashley, and me. 4th of July last year.

Marianne and Mickey.

Me and Jauque at Bar L. Looong ago. :)

Gage and Zac, so sweet.

Marianne and me at Bingo.

Me and the beautiful bride. :)

The best man and the bridesmaid. Me and Russell.

Beer drinker.

Leah and Lucia at Carrie and Jorge's rehearsal dinner.

Me and my cousin Ashley.

My sister, nices, nephews, kiddos.

Me and my cousin, Bryan, at Iron Horse, watching Dan Dyer.

Me and bff.

At the fair.

Family photo. :)

Me and Zackary.

Me with Gage and his buddies.

Awww. My cute boys.

Girls night with Jaidon, Marianne, and Victoria.

After chilling at my house, we went to Fast Eddy's.

Sweet Angela.

Marianne and the trout pout. Sexy gurl.

Halloween.

Another Halloween. This Michael Myers scared me. haha.

Doing the Thriller dance. :)

Blondes DO have more fun. ;)

Zac and Lucia, after Lu's dance at the football game! Too cute.

Jauque's baby shower.

Blackmail? Gage, James, and Zackary.

Me and Lacey in Cancun.

Yaaaaaa-laaayyy!!

Iron Horse, and one too many drinks. Well, she IS my life partner. haha.

Gage and his buddies. Possum Kingdom.

Me and my seesters in Cancun!! Goood times. :)

At Lacey's baby shower.

With Jauque at the bowling alley!

Crazy Katy! At Bar L!

Mr. and Mrs. Wilson <3>

Lu and Zac. :)

Marianne and Mickey's 24th birthday. At some karaoke bar....can't remember the name of it. But it was fun!

Me and Bryan, when we were just little ones. PK.

Wow, this was FOREVER ago!!

My mom and dad...way back in the day.

Aww, Little Jack.

New Years Eve.

Old Town, with the local celebrity. :)

Me and my bff's hubby. :) He loves me, even if he won't admit it!! haha.

With Arthur and Katy at P2.....good stuff.

Russell the Love Muscle. Surprise birthday party! Man, I miss this boy!

Oh good times. I love looking at old pictures!!