you had a bad day......

Today wasn't such a great day. I had a bit of a panic attack at work. I guess it was just everything that's been going on hitting me all at once. Car trouble, Gage's dad coming back into his life, work has been stressful.
I guess I felt it coming on when Billy got out of jail and started with his excuses. Then he called yesterday wanting to get Gage for the day. I was so confused about what I should do. I don't want to keep him from his dad. He would never forgive me for that. I want to give Billy ANOTHER chance. But I'm so scared he's going to hurt Gage all over again. It was hard, but I let him hang out with him from about 3 to 8 yesterday. Gage came back in a good mood. He's missed his dad a lot the past 8 or so months. I just pray that Billy really tries this time. I've been praying for him. When I'm praying, I say, "Lord, this is so hard for me to pray for this man who has done so much to his son, but I have to...." Just so he knows that I know it's not in my heart to pray for him, but I want it to be, so I'm trying. haha.
So, today we were 2 people short in the office. I was swamped and work was piling up against me. The phone was ringing off the hook and I just lost it for a second there. My heart started racing, I felt like my insides were shaking like crazy, I got all hot. Then Brenda asked if I was ok and that is when...when I always...lose it. I started crying and was just like....I don't know. I'm so confused and I have so much on my plate right now. I don't know how much more I can take.
So, Ashley gave me a Xanax. Normally I wouldn't take something...unless prescribed to me, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So, I took it, went outside for some fresh air (uhhh, a cigarette..haha) and just tried to calm myself down. Ashley is a godsend because her Xanax really helped me. I've still been on the verge of tears all day, but panic feeling is gone. For now.
I guess I'll just keep praying. That always seems to help the most. :)
I decided today that I'm going to cut off all my hair. When I start feeling like I need a change, I always cut my hair or dye it a different color. haha. That's as crazy as I can get. :)
So, I made an appointment for next week. I'll probably totally regret it after I do it, but it's just hair....it will grow back. :)
My sister and niece are leaving tomorrow to go on a mission trip with their church to Mexico. I really wanted me and Zac to go, but I don't have the PTO to take off from work. :( And after our trip to Chicago, I can't afford to take off with no PTO. But Leah and Lucia will have a wonderful time and I'm super excited for them. Lucia truly has a heart for God. She is in love with God and her church. It's going to be a wonderful experience for her and I can't wait to hear all about it! Man, I'm going to miss them. :( But it's just a week, so....it'll be aight.
Pray for them to have a safe, fun trip!! :)

Post Secret

True Blood....new episode tonight!! :)

Sunday already. I used to dread Sundays. Because back to work the next day, blah. But that's ok, because now...I have True Blood Sunday evenings!! Woot, Woot!!

I love Lafayette!!! He is freaking hilarious!!

Lafayette: "Well, you gone ahead on, hooker, with your bad ass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you're crossin' somebody's line."

Sam and Tara.

Sam: "It'd only be a matter of time 'fore you went off on somebody. I don't wanna drive my customers away."

Tara: "I only go off on stupid people."

Sam: "Most of my customers are stupid people."

Ohhhh, Bill and Sookie....

Bill: "Oh, you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that is a particular favorite of mine."

Sookie: "Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister. You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady I am!"

And of course....Eric, oh how I love you, Eric!!!

Eric: "Oh, I'm not leaving. You're going to invite me in, so I can protect you. Or have passionate primal sex with you.....how about both?"

Jason is so stupid. But that's ok, because he sure is pretty. :)

Jason: "Evil is makin' the pre-medicated choice to be a dick."

.....I wanna do bad things with you.....

Getting old.

Looks like we're back to square one. His dad messaged him on Myspace to tell him that his uncle died the night he got out of jail. So, he had to go back to Fort Worth to go to the funeral. But he would be back. Yeah right. I'm so sick of the lies and excuses. I thought for sure that the six months in jail would straighten him up, but I guess not.
If he wants to do his own thing, then I wish he would and just leave my son alone.
Right when Gage starts to get over it and move on, he starts his lies and promises up all over again.
I just don't know what to do anymore. :(

TG tomorrow is F.

Ok, all of my bad luck is out of the way now. I got a feelin'. :)
Leah got a new battery in her car, so I'm back to driving it.
Zac's at his dad's this month and I'm missing him already. Even though I get him every 3rd day while his dad is at the firestation, I still miss him :(
Me and Gage went to eat at yummy Stanley's with my sis, niece, nephew, and Lu's friend BJ. Good stuff!! I'm ready to go to bed now! I'm exhausted. It's been a long, exhausting week!!
I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday!!
We had more drama at work!! Apparently (after I left one day) an old man tried to drive himself home after being sedated. A nurse told him he couldn't and wouldn't give him his keys, so he started choking her in the parking lot!! Crazy!! He was like 70 years old. But she's ok and they called the po po on his old butt. ;)

Can you believe I still haven't seen Eclipse????? That is madness!! But I'm supposed to go to see it with my buddy Ashley this weekend. So, my life will then be complete. :)
I'm ready to see what all the fuss is about.....and see the Dreamy Edward!! *sigh*

Lucia's joke of the day:
How do you wake up Lady GaGa?
You poke her face.

bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I love kids and their jokes. :)