Once upon a time, he was the best dad ever. I was surprised by how much he cared about his son. He would get him every other weekend, for a month in the summer. He paid child support regularly. We could talk on the phone for hours, like best of friends. Like nothing bad had ever happened between us. It was for our son. That was all we cared about. All the other stuff didn't matter anymore.
Then one day he just seemed to change. He completely stopped paying child support. He slowly stopped coming to get his son. He eventually even stopped calling.
Is it worse to have a great dad, then lose him? Or not ever to have a good dad at all? Is it better to know what you're missing, or never know?
It soon came out that meth was the reason behind it all. Drugs. For 4 years, he chose drugs over his son.
We went to court over and over again, for child support. Everytime, I let him make me believe that he was sorry for what he had done. That he knew our son needed him and he wanted to get back to what they once had. 3 different times I got him out of having to go to jail. In hopes that he had really seen the pain he was causing his son.
The last time we went to court, 6 months ago, I told the judge that he will not change. Just put him in jail. Maybe it's the only way he can change. Maybe he'll have time to get the drugs out of his system. Maybe he'll have time to think about his mistakes and realize how much his son needs him. Especially now, at this point in his life.
But I guess I was wrong, once again.
Because 6 months later, at midnight last night, he was released from jail. And as of right now, we still have not heard from him.
Gage tries to pretend that it doesn't bother him. But I know it does. And it breaks my heart.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
What a disappointment.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
What a weekend...
We had a pretty good 4th of July weekend. We went to my mom's. My step dad cooked out hamburgers and hot dogs. Good stuff. Then we went to Janet's (a lady from church) to watch fireworks. A lot of people were there from church. They had a TON of fireworks.
Of course all Zac and Lucia would do were sparklers.
When it got dark and all the good fireworks started, Zac and Jack got scared, so I had to sit inside with them. Sucks for me. :( I LIKE fireworks. OH well. Right before it got dark, it started thundering, there was lightening in the distance. Zac got scared of that, too. He's such a baby about the weather. haha. Right when we were about to leave it started pouring down rain!!
When we left my mom's to go out to Janet's, I guess I had left my headlights on because my battery was dead!! So, my step dad had to jump me off. I have been having the worst luck with my car lately. Then on the way to Janet's my power steering light kept coming on. My power steering went out. :(
I went up to Danny Foix today, they said I'll have to take it to the dealership to have them check it out, they can't do anything about it. I think they're sick of seeing me. haha. As many times as I've been up there lately!!
I have no idea what I'm going to do. I hate to call my dad again, but he is the one I bought the car from. UGH! Dustin (Leah's husband) said I could have Leah's car, and pay something on it every month. But then I'll also have to get full coverage insurance on it. Plus the gas will be more. I don't know if I can afford that. But it may be cheaper than fixing everything that is going wrong with my POS car.
So, this is the last day of my 3 day weekend. I've spent the last 3 hours doing defensive driving online. OMG. It is soooo boring!!! I had to take a break!! I still have 3 more hours to go! BLAH!!! All because I was going 45 in a 35, on the way to the gym a couple months ago. :(
Am I having the worst luck ever, or what? Oh well, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. At least, that's what I keep telling myself!!
I need a part time job.....
Back to work tomorrow. It's gonna be a busy day and we'll be two people short in the office. But it'll be aight. I.Will.Survive.
Of course all Zac and Lucia would do were sparklers.
When it got dark and all the good fireworks started, Zac and Jack got scared, so I had to sit inside with them. Sucks for me. :( I LIKE fireworks. OH well. Right before it got dark, it started thundering, there was lightening in the distance. Zac got scared of that, too. He's such a baby about the weather. haha. Right when we were about to leave it started pouring down rain!!
When we left my mom's to go out to Janet's, I guess I had left my headlights on because my battery was dead!! So, my step dad had to jump me off. I have been having the worst luck with my car lately. Then on the way to Janet's my power steering light kept coming on. My power steering went out. :(
I went up to Danny Foix today, they said I'll have to take it to the dealership to have them check it out, they can't do anything about it. I think they're sick of seeing me. haha. As many times as I've been up there lately!!
I have no idea what I'm going to do. I hate to call my dad again, but he is the one I bought the car from. UGH! Dustin (Leah's husband) said I could have Leah's car, and pay something on it every month. But then I'll also have to get full coverage insurance on it. Plus the gas will be more. I don't know if I can afford that. But it may be cheaper than fixing everything that is going wrong with my POS car.
So, this is the last day of my 3 day weekend. I've spent the last 3 hours doing defensive driving online. OMG. It is soooo boring!!! I had to take a break!! I still have 3 more hours to go! BLAH!!! All because I was going 45 in a 35, on the way to the gym a couple months ago. :(
Am I having the worst luck ever, or what? Oh well, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. At least, that's what I keep telling myself!!
I need a part time job.....
Back to work tomorrow. It's gonna be a busy day and we'll be two people short in the office. But it'll be aight. I.Will.Survive.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Crappy start, but ended up a-ok.
So, had some car trouble again today. If it had waited one more day, it would've been a month exactly from the last time I had car trouble. haha. So, last month I was getting in my car to go to work and my ignition was stuck, it would't turn on. I got a new ignition put in for about...ohhhh $320.00. Today, I got to work and my car wouldn't turn off!! The ignition was stuck again, but this time, it was stuck on. haha. I left my house at 5:30 a.m. My car ran while I was in work, until 8:00, when the shop opened. 2 1/2 hours, 1/4 tank of gas, and an almost overheated car. Excellent. haha. But it's fixed now. For how long, I have no idea. Hopefully for good!
So the day started off pretty crappy. Then I found out my supposed bff went and saw "Eclipse" without me last night!!! haha. Just kidding, Marianne. I was a little disappointed, but it was with your family, who you don't get to spend much time with, so I forgive you. :) I'm trying to convince Gage to see it with me, he refuses. :( Everyone else has already seen it, but me. I feel so alone! ;)
So, I'm just going to spend the night here at my house, all by my lonesome. I watched the cheesiest movie ever earlier. "Black Christmas" Ruh-tard-ed.
Now, I'm watching "Knowing". Everyone I talked to said it sucked, but I'm actually liking it a lot!! When it's over, I'm going to take advantage of being child-free and clean house like crazy!!
It needs it!
I'm excited for my 3 day weekend! I need it! I'm just gonna chill, do a whole lotta nothing. Except clean today. Be lazy tomorrow. Go to my mom's for the 4th on Sunday. And finally watch "Eclipse" on Monday. Woot woot. Holla. :)
So the day started off pretty crappy. Then I found out my supposed bff went and saw "Eclipse" without me last night!!! haha. Just kidding, Marianne. I was a little disappointed, but it was with your family, who you don't get to spend much time with, so I forgive you. :) I'm trying to convince Gage to see it with me, he refuses. :( Everyone else has already seen it, but me. I feel so alone! ;)
So, I'm just going to spend the night here at my house, all by my lonesome. I watched the cheesiest movie ever earlier. "Black Christmas" Ruh-tard-ed.
Now, I'm watching "Knowing". Everyone I talked to said it sucked, but I'm actually liking it a lot!! When it's over, I'm going to take advantage of being child-free and clean house like crazy!!
It needs it!
I'm excited for my 3 day weekend! I need it! I'm just gonna chill, do a whole lotta nothing. Except clean today. Be lazy tomorrow. Go to my mom's for the 4th on Sunday. And finally watch "Eclipse" on Monday. Woot woot. Holla. :)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I love me some live music!
I love, love, love concerts!! Just a little over 7 weeks to go until my next concert!! I am so excited!!! So, I thought I would post my Top 5 Concerts I've been to. :)
Many people just like me,
Dreamin' of old used-to-be's.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
Ah, but it's my life.
Listen to the blues that they're playin',
Listen what the blues are sayin'.
Life is just another scene,
In this old world of broken dreams.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
But it's my life.
Oh, the night life ain't no good life,
Oh, but it's my life.
Yeah, it's my life.
I WANT YOU
For my 19th birthday, my sister bought me tickets to see Clay Walker. I used to be a HUGE country fan. Not anymore so much....I still like old stuff. And I still love Clay Walker. It seems like you can think a band is just aight, until you see them live and all of the sudden they're your absolute favorite!! That's what happened when me and Jauque went to see Clay Walker. We fell in love!!
WHERE WERE YOU?
I used to wake up nights, callin´ out your name.
Then I´d cry myself back to sleep, knowing I´d only dreamed.
I stayed inside for days, trapped within my mind.
Wonderin´ where you had gone, convinced I could not go on.
Now just when I started feeling, those hands of time start to healing.
You´re here at my door, saying your new dreams,
Have led you back to me.
Where were you, when I was going crazy?
Where were you?
Did you know what your leavin´ put me through?
Where were you, when I was going crazy?
Where were you?
Did you know what your leavin´ put me through?
You were feeling lost, last thing I knew,
You went off to find yourself.
Where were you?
I can´t pretend I´m strong or act like I don´t care.
But I won´t betray my heart, now that we´ve come this far.
I let you go ´cause I had to.
I´ll close this door ´cause I need to.
This tunnel has a light, it´s not that far away,
It´s brighter every day.
Where were you, when I was going crazy?
Where were you?
Did you know what your leavin´ put me through?
You were feeing lost, last thing I knew,
You went off to find yourself.
Where were you?
Where were you?
I can´t pretend I´m strong or act like I don´t care.
But I won´t betray my heart, now that we´ve come this far.
I let you go ´cause I had to.
I´ll close this door ´cause I need to.
This tunnel has a light, it´s not that far away,
It´s brighter every day.
Where were you, when I was going crazy?
Where were you?
Did you know what your leavin´ put me through?
You were feeing lost, last thing I knew,
You went off to find yourself.
Where were you?
--------------------------------
I've been in love with Bob Seger since I can remember. My mom had his 8 track, if that tells you anything!! He's getting old, but he is just as good as he ever was!! I love him so much. I teared up when I finally got to see him live. It was ah-maze-zing.
NIGHT MOVES
I was a little too tall, could've used a few pounds.
Tight pants points hardly reknown.
She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes.
And points all her own sitting way up high, way up firm and high
Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy.
Workin' on mysteries without any clues.
Workin' on our night moves.
Trying' to make some front page drive-in news.
Workin' on our night moves in the summertime,
In the sweet summertime.
We weren't in love, oh no, far from it.
We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit.
We were just young and restless and bored, living by the sword
And we'd steal away every chance we could,
Tight pants points hardly reknown.
She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes.
And points all her own sitting way up high, way up firm and high
Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy.
Workin' on mysteries without any clues.
Workin' on our night moves.
Trying' to make some front page drive-in news.
Workin' on our night moves in the summertime,
In the sweet summertime.
We weren't in love, oh no, far from it.
We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit.
We were just young and restless and bored, living by the sword
And we'd steal away every chance we could,
to the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods.
I used her, she used me
I used her, she used me
But neither one cared, we were getting our share.
Workin' on our night moves.
Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues.
Workin' on out night moves, in the summertime.
And oh the wonder, felt the lightning.
And we waited on the thunder, waited on the thunder.
I woke last night to the sound of thunder.
How far off I sat and wondered.
Started humming a song from 1962,
Ain't it funny how the night moves?
When you just don't seem to have as much to lose.
Strange how the night moves,
With autumn closing in.
Workin' on our night moves.
Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues.
Workin' on out night moves, in the summertime.
And oh the wonder, felt the lightning.
And we waited on the thunder, waited on the thunder.
I woke last night to the sound of thunder.
How far off I sat and wondered.
Started humming a song from 1962,
Ain't it funny how the night moves?
When you just don't seem to have as much to lose.
Strange how the night moves,
With autumn closing in.
--------------------------------
Then there was Britney Spears!! I, of course, saw her with my BFF. She is, was, and will always be in love with Britney Spears!! I wasn't sure I would really like this concert. I mean, I like a lot of Britney's songs...but this was right after her crazy nervous break down. I was a little worried. haha. But it was an amazing concert! We had so much fun! I'm glad my BFF invited me to go!
PIECE OF ME
I'm Miss American Dream since I was 17.
Don't matter if I step on the scene, or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine.
You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me...
I'm Miss bad media karma, another day another drama.
Guess I can't see the harm, in working and being a mama.
And with a kid on my arm, I'm still an exceptional earner.
And you want a piece of me...
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Don't matter if I step on the scene, or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine.
You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me...
I'm Miss bad media karma, another day another drama.
Guess I can't see the harm, in working and being a mama.
And with a kid on my arm, I'm still an exceptional earner.
And you want a piece of me...
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. She's Too Big, now She's Too Thin
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. You want a piece of me?
Tryin' and pissin' me off, well get in line with the paparazzi.
Who's flippin' me off, hopin' I'll resort to some havoc?
And end up settlin' in court, now are you sure you want a piece of me?
I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. She's Too Big, now She's Too Thin
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. You want a piece of me?
Tryin' and pissin' me off, well get in line with the paparazzi.
Who's flippin' me off, hopin' I'll resort to some havoc?
And end up settlin' in court, now are you sure you want a piece of me?
(you want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets.
When getting the groceries, no, for real...Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in this industry, I mean please...
Do you want a piece of me?
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don't matter if I step on the scene, or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me...
You want a piece of me?
I'm Mrs. Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets.
When getting the groceries, no, for real...Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in this industry, I mean please...
Do you want a piece of me?
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I'm Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don't matter if I step on the scene, or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me...
You want a piece of me?
--------------------------------
Just this April I FINALLY got to see Good Ole Willie Nelson in concert!!! He's another one I grew up listening to, and another one I teared up on, listening to. Is was awesome. I always said I would see him in concert before he dies. And I saw him. And I love him.
NIGHTLIFE
When the evenin' sun goes down,
you will find me hangin' round.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
But it's my life.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
But it's my life.
Many people just like me,
Dreamin' of old used-to-be's.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
Ah, but it's my life.
Listen to the blues that they're playin',
Listen what the blues are sayin'.
Life is just another scene,
In this old world of broken dreams.
Oh, the night life, it ain't no good life,
But it's my life.
Oh, the night life ain't no good life,
Oh, but it's my life.
Yeah, it's my life.
--------------------------------
Ok, so I can't say that Kings of Leon is one of my Top 5 Concerts I've ever attended. But I will be attending their concert on September 23rd. And I already KNOW that they will make that Top 5. Because I LOVE them so much. When I hear a song of theirs, I just get this feeling...it's hard to describe. Maybe pure happiness. His voice is amazing. I love them.
I love them so much, I saw a contest on Facebook, they were giving away 10 tickets to the "Kings of Lawn" concert. An outdoor concert. So, I had to register to win. I'm a pretty unlucky girl, so I asked my luckiest and bestest friend, Marianne to register, too.
I am so glad I asked, I'm so glad she did....because she won!!! And I am so freaking excited!!
I WANT YOU
Get back on track, pick me up some bottles of booze.
Fickle freshman, probably thinks he's cooler than you.
A hay ride at 5, everybody's coming around.
So go press your skirt, word is there's a new girl in town.
I call shotgun, you can play your R'n'B tunes.
The fellowship time, it always comes a little too soon.
The land of the creeps, freshened up and babyfaced shame.
Put your eyes on me, and I know a place where we can get away.
To say I want you, just exactly like I used to.
'Cause baby this is only bringing me down.
Homeboy's so proud, he finally got the video proof.
The night vision shows she was only ducking the truth.
It's heavy I know, the black cat with the gift down below.
A choke and a gag, she spit up and came back for more.
And said I want you, just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
She said I want you,
I want you just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
I said I want you, just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
Good stuff. :)
Fickle freshman, probably thinks he's cooler than you.
A hay ride at 5, everybody's coming around.
So go press your skirt, word is there's a new girl in town.
I call shotgun, you can play your R'n'B tunes.
The fellowship time, it always comes a little too soon.
The land of the creeps, freshened up and babyfaced shame.
Put your eyes on me, and I know a place where we can get away.
To say I want you, just exactly like I used to.
'Cause baby this is only bringing me down.
Homeboy's so proud, he finally got the video proof.
The night vision shows she was only ducking the truth.
It's heavy I know, the black cat with the gift down below.
A choke and a gag, she spit up and came back for more.
And said I want you, just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
She said I want you,
I want you just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
I said I want you, just exactly like I used to.
And baby this is only bringing me down.
Good stuff. :)
Booooring day today!
Everyone around me has seen Eclipse already and I'm getting mad!! Three girls at work saw it yesterday. Leah and Lucia saw it today! Everyone wants to discuss and I can't until Monday!! I cannot wait to see it!! 4 more days!! Could this possibly be the first time EVER that I've been ready for the weekend to be over?? haha.
I dropped Gage and his friend off at the movies, they wanted to see Toy Story 3.
I was like....why in the world would you watch Toy Story 3, when you could watch Eclipse???
My son is a ruh-tard!
I took the kiddos down the street to my friend Alisha's house today. Gage is going to dog sit for her while she's on vacation. Of course, Zac wanted to bring her dog home with us. haha.
Uhhh, I don't think so! They're lucky to still have Beauty...our dog! I'm not an animal person AT ALL!!!
Ashley (friend from work), her mom made me some plum jelly! I just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it was sooooooo good!!! It may have been the highlight of my day today!! :) Wow, that's kinda sad, huh?
UGH! We're supposed to have a Mexican pot luck at work tomorrow. Everyone is supposed to bring something and I have no idea what I'm going to bring!!!
We all ate Taco Bueno for lunch today, I had like 10 extra hot sauce containers. I loaded them up in my hands and told everyone that's what I was bringing to the pot luck. haha. Didn't work. I don't know what to do! :(
Zac's joke of the day,"Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?.........Because he had noBODY to go with." bahahahaha. I cracked up. Gage looked at me like I was the ruh-tard.
Whatev.
Anyways, not a lot going on today. But for some reason, I feel the need to blog every single day.
Ridiculous!!
I dropped Gage and his friend off at the movies, they wanted to see Toy Story 3.
I was like....why in the world would you watch Toy Story 3, when you could watch Eclipse???
My son is a ruh-tard!
I took the kiddos down the street to my friend Alisha's house today. Gage is going to dog sit for her while she's on vacation. Of course, Zac wanted to bring her dog home with us. haha.
Uhhh, I don't think so! They're lucky to still have Beauty...our dog! I'm not an animal person AT ALL!!!
Ashley (friend from work), her mom made me some plum jelly! I just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it was sooooooo good!!! It may have been the highlight of my day today!! :) Wow, that's kinda sad, huh?
UGH! We're supposed to have a Mexican pot luck at work tomorrow. Everyone is supposed to bring something and I have no idea what I'm going to bring!!!
We all ate Taco Bueno for lunch today, I had like 10 extra hot sauce containers. I loaded them up in my hands and told everyone that's what I was bringing to the pot luck. haha. Didn't work. I don't know what to do! :(
Zac's joke of the day,"Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?.........Because he had noBODY to go with." bahahahaha. I cracked up. Gage looked at me like I was the ruh-tard.
Whatev.
Anyways, not a lot going on today. But for some reason, I feel the need to blog every single day.
Ridiculous!!
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